Barks At Everything

Stay chill, it's only a silly book review.

I read the good, the awful & all of the "meh" in the middle. Mostly horror & romance of all kinds.

IT by Stephen King

It - Stephen King, Steven Weber
There are a million reviews and plot breakdowns for IT so I am not going to bother adding another. I'm also tired. This book has been my constant companion through a boatload of crapola in real-life and I did not take notes. I read IT knowing it was long and hoping it would take me away like Calgon always promised and it did. The book. Not Calgon. Calgon is full of BS.



This is not a 5 star read but 4 1/2 stars for a few reasons. I was so unsettled by THE scene near the end that I must've blocked out when I read this book at the age of 17. It didn't make a heck of a lot of sense to me that Bev would initiate such a thing. When I was 11 I had friends who were my world and my family was all kinds of messed up and that thought would've never crossed my mind ~ even at 14 when things got even worse. It just struck me as strange and disturbing and unnecessary. And it was really gross to listen to on audio. I've read lots of gross things but this one took all the cake. I also didn't like the whole bit about 
Bill cheating on his wife with Bev. Ugh, why didn't she just throw Ben a bone and leave the married guy alone?! Home-wrecker and weak men. Blech
(show spoiler)


Other than that and the fact that it was a little too long for me, it was a nearly perfect book of childhood friendships and one of the most terrifying monsters ever put to the page.
 
Will use for a Bingo square whenever I update my card.
 

 

Fidget Spinners Destroyed My Family by George Billions

Fidget Spinners Destroyed My Family - George Billions

I’m not sure what that cover is about but that cannibalistic kiddo is not in the book. Sorry, folks. It’s eye catching though, right?

 

What this book is really about is a family that is on the brink of imploding and we get to witness it in all its glorious ugliness. Yay! From the outside, Karen and Kevin and their two children appear to have a perfectly beautiful upper class life but if you get to snooping and look a little closer you’ll see things aren’t so sickeningly picture perfect. Ah, my favorite kind of story. I love books like this. If you do to, you’ll want to check this one out.

 

It’s darkly comical, as the best of these types of stories tend to be. Kevin, who is a big kid himself, decides to give the kids (and himself, of course) fidget spinners one Christmas and Karen sees it as the beginning of the end. Of everything. She’s a bit of a dramatic soul. She blames all of her woes on the fidget thingies and refuses to face her true reality. This book is told from Karen’s mostly sloshed POV and she’s a truly terrible person on the inside. Horribly, hysterically, terrible. Her thoughts are often ridiculously bitchy, snooty and mean as well as slightly crazed and I have to admit I loved it there in her head. Granted, no one would probably want to spend too much time there because it would wear on you but this book is only 96 pages. That’s the perfect length of time to spend with someone like Karen, if you ask me.

 

“I screamed. I tried to help. I tried to save him. Believe me when I tell you, I really tried.”

 

Lol, I don’t believe a thing this woman tries to tell me but it’s fun listening to her. Please be warned an unforgivable thing happens to an animal. I didn’t like that part at all but that’s the risk you take with books like these.

 

If you’re in the mood for something blackly humorous grab yourself a glass of Karen’s favorite wine (that would be any and all of them) and settle in for a dark little gem with this novella.

 

I received an ARC of this story from the author. Thanks, it was a lot of fun!

 

I read this for Halloween Bingo but am not sure where I'm going to stick it just yet. 

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

The Haunting of Hill House - Shirley Jackson

"The house was vile. . . Hill House is vile, it is diseased, get away from here at once."

I’m stingy with my stars and gave out five of them to Jackson’s We Have Always Lived in the Castle. It had it all; quirky characters, creepy goings-on and dreadful deeds and I was expecting similarly great things from this classic.

Perhaps my expectations were too high or maybe I just wasn’t in the mood because I found this one slower than cold molasses with slightly over-the-top characters whose plight never grabbed me. It took me well over a week to finish this skinny little book. I know I’m slow but that’s ridiculous even for me. I’d pick it up, read a few pages and fall asleep. Once I even dropped the edge of this cursed book on my face as I nodded off and woke up with a welt on my chin. At least my husband, the NON reader I might add, had a great laugh. And still I plundered on. . . 

In the end, I never did connect with the story and it wasn’t able to infect me with insidious dread. I can’t quite pinpoint what went wrong besides the fact that there was too little spooky and too much yapping for me. What with all of the talking these people did, I never did learn much about them. The descriptions of the house were divine, however, and I would love to live there.
 

 

I read this for Bingo. I'm all off track and have to figure out where I'm going to place it when I get my act back together. I don't even know what's been called at this point. Is there a master post of bingo calls somewhere?

If I Disappear for A Bit

This is why. Buddy lost his fight with the damn tumor yesterday and I am going to either crawl into a ball and hide from the world via the tv or bury myself in my books and writing reviews. I'm not sure which way it will go but I do know I probably will not be able to respond to replies on this post for a very long time (if ever). I will read them but it won't be today. 

 

We adopted Buddy when he was 9 months old after my sister got divorced and could not keep him. We sure won out on that deal. He would've been 12 in November and was the sweetest dog I ever had the pleasure of knowing. He didn't have a mean bone in his body and loved everyone.  I will miss his steamy dragon breath, his calm, quiet energy and his sweet, silly face more than I can ever say.

 

This Book Was Made for Snoozing

My friend said I must read this. I told her I was scared. It was too big. I may have it for months, if not years. She said, "I don't care. Take it anyway!" I have lovely friends but they do not help with my book issues :) Anyway, for now, Patrick has found a use for it!

 

Prawn of the Dead by Dakota Cassidy

Prawn of the Dead (Lemon Layne Mystery) - Dakota Cassidy, Hollie Jackson

Lemon Layne and her mom run a gas station/convenience store/BBQ pitstop and one morning Lemon starts off the day by finding a dead fellow in one of the bathrooms! It appears he’s been shot and later it’s revealed that a piece of his brain is missing and that he was the ex-boyfriend of her mother. Her mother had told everyone who would listen that she wanted him dead after she discovered he had been cheating. Uh oh!



So Lemon, with the help of her pet monkey and her best friend, starts a-snooping and uncovering the dirt. To find out more about the plot you will have to read the book. 

This book is zany and light-hearted and will not hurt your brain or make you sad. I did not figure out the mystery but I suck at sleuthing so no surprise there. It takes place in an idyllic small coastal town in Washington and the cast is filled with eccentrics and out of all of them I loved Lemon’s mom the best. She’s feisty and just made me smile. We also have a hoard of zombie hunters, a monkey, a bossy best friend (she was not my favorite), a hunky policeman and quite a few others who come to vivid life in the audio. This is book #1 in a new series and even though I’m not a fan of following a series around until the end of time, I’d definitely read another of these to see what other wacky things are bound to happen in this little town. More murders, perhaps?!

I’d recommend the audio read by Hollie Jackson. She brings these nutty people to life and does a killer accent (I don’t know if it was accurate but I liked it anyway). She keeps the story moving and deftly moves from manly man to pissed off old lady without a hitch.

 

*I received a copy of this audiobook from Tantor Media. 

 

Read for Halloween Bingo 2017.

 

 

My Card:

 

The Bird Eater by Ania Ahlborn

The Bird Eater - Ania Ahlborn,  Peter Berkrot

After starting out with a nasty murder by a boy with a maniacal grin, I was expecting The Bird Eater to be so much better than it actually turned out to be.

Twenty-one years after the chilling events in the opening scene, Aaron returns to his dilapidated and reputedly haunted childhood home hoping to heal his freshly broken life. Apparently his therapist advised him to do so despite the fact that he witnessed a murder in the house and he’s currently struggling with depression, borderline substance abuse, separation from his wife and the death of his young son. Yep, being all alone in a murder house will surely cure his woes. I hope he didn’t pay that person too much for the shitty advice. 



The problem for me with this story was Aaron and all of the other main characters. Aaron was a broken man and remained that way throughout the story and, quite honestly, his self-loathing exhausted me and the way the book was written kept me from feeling his anguish. There was a disconnect between Aaron and I which kept me from feeling much of anything. Aaron reconnects with his childhood friends and his childhood love and I found that so bizarre and unbelievably frustrating that I nearly have no words. I mean, 21 years have passed, he was 14 freaking years old when his world crumbled and this Cheri person is still carrying a torch for him?!!! 



Dayam, even I gave up on Corey Hart after a year and moved on with my life when he didn’t show up to whisk me away and I was in luv. 



Reality should’ve kicked in for Cheri at some point in those 21 years!

And did I mention that Cheri is also MARRIED to some poor schlub who works his bum off so she can buy nice things and she’s ready to toss him away because her grief ridden true love has returned!? Cheri thinks she can fix Aaron. Ugh, Cheri was a weak, pathetic excuse for a character and only managed to suck any enjoyment out of this story for me. Aaron’s other childhood friend is a supposed ghost hunter but doesn’t do any ghost hunting in the local haunted house. WTF is going on with these characters?!

Whew, glad that’s out of the way. There were a few things I enjoyed; the creep factor, the crazed Birdboy, the atmosphere and the slow build (to a lame reveal) but obviously this is not a book I would ever reread. 

It’s getting 2 ½ stars because I am bothered!

 

This book will fulfill my Ghost square.

 

 

 

Bingo Call: 9/7/2017

Reblogged from Obsidian Blue:

Here is your bingo call:

 

 

Horror is a genre of fiction which is intended to, or has the capacity to frighten, scare, disgust, or startle its readers or viewers by inducing feelings of horror and terror.

My Next Stuck In the Car Audio

Prawn of the Dead (Lemon Layne Mystery) - Dakota Cassidy, Hollie Jackson

Reading for this Halloween Bingo Square:

 

 

or maybe this one:

 

Covers: A Gentle Request

Can I ask a favor? I'm not sure if I have a touch of OCD, am offended by the color green or if I'm just a little off but I cannot seem to abide these in my feed. 

 

 

I have to go in and fix them whenever I see them in my feed. Is anyone else like this? I don't mind doing it but some days I spend more time adding book covers than I do reading my feed. I'm not sure if everyone knows this but Booklikes lets anyone add a book cover (where only a green one is showing) without having to edit or submit a book report. All you have to do is go over to Amazon (or any other affiliate link), right click on the cover, save it to your computer and upload it here by clicking add cover. 

 

And on that note, if you see anything wonky with any book that you cannot fix, please feel free to hit the report button or submit the edit yourself. *

 

*Edited to add, if you see a missing cover add that first and then submit your edit so the green disappears right away.

 

Thanks in advance!

Mrs. Fletcher by Tom Perrotta

Mrs. Fletcher - Tom Perrotta

Hmm, what is there to say about this one? I read it, all of it, and I wasn’t tempted to DNF it even though I found it a wee bit plotless and a little too over-stuffed with issues. I can’t say that I’ll remember much about it in a few days so I better spit this out now.

 

Eve is a divorcee who, when the book begins, is sending her only son off to college. She’s not dealing well with this turn of events even though her son is a selfish son-of-a-B (if you ask me). She loves him all the same. They say love is blind and they are not kidding. She overhears him say something dreadful to his booty call before he leaves but she doesn’t address it, not wanting to stir the hornets’ nest and all. Personally, were it me, I’d be glad to have his rude, lazy butt out of the house! But she’s sad and she misses her boy. She even blames many of his shortcomings on herself because of the divorce and all.

 

I can’t remember the kids name but he has his own point of view, along with Eve and it’s almost always obnoxious. I didn’t like him and though he had a few brief moments of almost decency, I didn’t want to spend any time in his head. He also didn’t do a lot of growing up over the course of the novel but I suppose that may have been the point?

 

Now about Eve. She starts to fill her time watching MILF porn after she receives a text saying she’s a MILF. Apparently, she was living under a rock and had to look up the term on the internets and instead of immediately seeing the definition she finds MILF porn instead and she is hooked. In between porn viewings, she signs up for a class, makes some new friends and has a wee little moment of sexual experimentation. I will not lie, those bits were interesting BUT inserted into this story were issues heaped upon issues about struggles with aging, transgender, bisexuality, younger lovers, autism, wannabe frat-life and so many more that I felt like I was reading a lesson in what it feels like to be all these types of people and the lack of focus started to hurt my head. Sadly, none of it was particularly amusing but yet I kept reading . . .

 

I’ll give it a three because I guess it could’ve contained even more issues. There were no foot fetishes, cannibalism or bestiality struggles at least.

 

Thanks, Netgalley, for sharing this with me.

The Haunting of Hill House - Shirley Jackson Lustmord: Anatomy of a Serial Butcher (Vol. 1) - Kirk Alex

 

I decided to put aside Lustmord when I realized it was over 700 pages!  Yikes. Even I am not up for that much slice and dice. 

 

 I may use this for my classic horror square. 

 

 

The Lesser Dead by Christopher Buehlman

The Lesser Dead - Christopher Buehlman

 

That ending surprised the heck out of me!

Joey Peacock may look sixteen but don’t let his youthful looks fool you. He’s a street savvy vampire who has been sucking blood from the femoral arteries of charmed ladies for decades. He has a wicked sense of humor and I truly enjoyed his ugly/funny/scary take on the day to day life and goings-on when one is cursed to live as a vampire. 

“Any vampire that turns a kid under thirteen needs to be taken out sunbathing.”

Joey spends his time feeding his need nd sharing stories of his past and he’s pretty hilarious. Things start out rather light-heartedly but eventually take a very sinister turn as he encounters a group of very young vampires and the blood starts to splatter everywhere. 

If you like your vampires gritty and bloody read this. You will not be sorry. I don’t want to give away too much and I’m lazy so that’s all I’m going to say.

I listened to the audiobook which is expertly read by the author after reading my friend Char’s fantastical review. How could I not? It was everything she said it would be. Sarcastic, imaginative, gross and so much bloodsucking fun. Honestly, how can you resist a book whose hero is named Joey Peacock?

 

This book will fulfill my "Chilling Children" square when it gets called.

 

 

My Bingo Card is looking like this:

 

My Markers:

Called and Read

  

Called But Not Yet Read

 

Read Not Called

We have a marker on the board!

The Bird Eater - Ania Ahlborn

Starting this one. GR puts it in the ghost genre. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it fits so Patrick's horns may glow in full color :)

 

 

 

Ghost: any mystery, suspense or horror which involves a ghost, or a character who believes that the events involve a ghost.

 

My Markers:

Called and Read

  

Called But Not Yet Read

 

Read Not Called

 

Bingo Call: 9/1

Reblogged from Moonlight Reader:

 

Ghost: any mystery, suspense or horror which involves a ghost, or a character who believes that the events involve a ghost.

Am I Actually Organizing Things?!

 

Currently reading

Wonder by R.J. Palacio
Best Day Ever: A Psychological Thriller by Kaira Rouda, Graham Halstead, Amy McFadden
Saga, Volume 1 by Brian K. Vaughan, Fiona Staples
A Bed of Spices by Barbara Samuel