Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare

Clockwork Angel  - Jennifer Ehle, Cassandra Clare

DNF because I found myself disliking the story (boring), the narration (stiff), the characters (boring and stiff) and the fact that the discs had no end or beginning indicator; no music, no intro, no nothing. I was halfway through disc three for the second time before I realized it! That just proved to me that I had not only dozed through the entire disc once but nearly did it twice. It was then that I called it quits and dropped it off at the library. Also, for a book with such a lovely steampunk cover, what I read didn't feel very steampunk to me.

Everything about it was just "meh" for me. The setup features a young teen orphan (no parents, again? le sigh) who gets off a ship expecting to meet her older brother who is her only living relative in the whole wide world. Instead two older ladies who call themselves "The Dark Sisters" are there to pick her up. Hello, if that ain't a clue, I don't know what is. So she naively believes every lying word they utter and heads off with them where she is kept captive and given lessons in how to shapeshift. Once that's accomplished, quite easily I might add (just a wee bit of puking), she learns the Dark Sisters have promised her hand in marriage to "The Magister" or "The Magistrate" (sorry, I can't remember now) who she assumes is a nasty old geezer. She finally attempts to escape, fails and tries again. Lucky for her a handsome young fella just so happens to be poking his nose into the business of "The Dark Sisters" on her next attempt and is snooping around inside the house. He oh-so-conveniently rescues her just in the nick of time and brings her to safety so more tiresome stuff can happen for hundreds of pages.

At one point Will (he of the gallant rescue) says:

"You do believe everything I say, don't you? Do I seem unusually trustworthy to you or are you just the naive sort?"

Haha, I guess I did like Will a little bit. He had her number from the get-go.

Honestly though it was just all so dull. Did I say that fifty times already? I'm sorry I know there are many fans but I don't think I'm one of them. When this over dramatic cartooney scene happened I had to throw in the towel and go inside and nurse my poor aching head. Imagine this, if you will . . . a dead woman awakens and starts screaming at the top of her lungs and the narrator literally screams all of this nonsense out while my ears quietly begin to bleed.

"Beware, Nephilim. As you slay others, so shall you be slain. Your angel cannot protect you against that which neither the God nor the devil has made, an army born neither of Heaven nor Hell. Beware the end of man. Beware." Her voice rose to a high grinding shriek, (as did the narrators most unfortunately) and she jerked back and forth in the chair like a puppet being yanked on invisible strings. "BEWARE BEWAREBEWAREBEWARE" --

"Good God," muttered Jem.

"BEWARE!", the woman shrieked one last time, and toppled forward to sprawl on the ground, abruptly silenced (thank the audiobook lords and all that is good and kind in the world)

Holy painful, nonsensical, melodramatic nonsense!