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B&B (do it for the crumpets)

Reading the good, the awful & all of the "meh" in the middle. I'll read most any horror, romance, erotica & M/M novel that comes my way but that doesn't mean I'll like it!

Currently reading

The Hospital
Keith C. Blackmore
The Madman's Daughter
Megan Shepherd, Lucy Rayner
Slave Girl
Lisa Cach
Happy Herbivore Light & Lean: Over 150 Low-Calorie Recipes with Workout Plans for Looking and Feeling Great
Lindsay S. Nixon
The Joy of Vegan Baking: The Compassionate Cooks' Traditional Treats and Sinful Sweets
Colleen Patrick-Goudreau
Progress: 5 %
The Silver Chain
Primula Bond

Demons, Dolls & Milkshakes by Nelson Pyles

Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes - Nelson W. Pyles, Nelson Pyles

Hey, I finally finished a book and a brand new review and it's not monster-porn!

 

Who wouldn’t want a sarcastic little demon of their very own?  Especially one who is at your beck and call, subservient to your every whim, small enough to stick in your pocket and who has the ability to inflict great pain and suffering upon those who have done you oh-so-wrong.  

 


I know you want one!


Martin is in possession of a book called “Raising Demons” and he and his two dim-witted acquaintances decide that raising a demon and forcing him inside a tiny, poorly constructed totem is a brilliant idea. Martin plans to use this demon for nefarious purposes such as ridding himself of his high school tormentors and such. Surprisingly Martin succeeds but now he’s gone and opened up a world of hurt and finds himself at the center of a demon feud.  He’s still a miserable young fool but now he’s stuck with an annoying as hell demon too. 


Sometimes life just isn’t fair.


My advice to angry, hurting teens everywhere? If you stumble across a book titled “Raising Demons” leave it be and call in the pros.

 

 


Bad things occur. Oh, such terrible, revolting things (cannibalism, mutilation, necrophilia and more!).  These are demons, after all. Fortunately, the writing doesn’t linger long enough on those horrible things to disturb one too deeply. It’s all written a little tongue in cheek, splashed with a good amount of gore and a whole lotta “you get what you wished for, sucker!” and I liked it quite a bit. The characters are lively and most of them are very sarcastic and that’s always a win in my book. 


I’m a hard sell when it comes to funny though. I may snicker at silliness and human follies but laughing at words on a page doesn’t happen often for me. Most of the story was amusing when it wasn’t busy being horrifying but it didn’t make me spit out my coffee or laugh like a loon. But there’s this one scene where the little demon decides to be a nosy mofo and goes through a female characters text messages just because he’s a jerk. He soon realizes that he messed with the wrong girl and it was Hilarious. Totally made the entire book for me.


This was a fun, nasty little adventure filled romp and If you like such things something might be wrong with you but who am I to judge? Check it out.  

White Cat by Holly Black

White Cat  - Holly Black, Jesse Eisenberg

An older review. Still working on the GR conversion project.

 

White Cat is a young adult fantasy, the first in a series, but it’s not the cookie-cutter standard YA novel. Black usually fills her stories with a somewhat edgier cast of characters that can put some people off. These folks have rough edges/backgrounds/thoughts and flaws that make them come alive whether you embrace them or are disgusted by them. I enjoy that most about Black’s writing White Cat isn’t an exception.

Cassel is the narrator. He is an outcast in his own family because he is not a talented magic worker like the rest of them. He believes he killed his best friend Lilah and that his family covered it up. But as you’re getting the story from Cassel’s point of view you may soon jump to the same conclusions I did; there’s no way this sweet guilt laden guy could’ve done it. The book opens with a nearly naked Cassel dreaming about a tongue stealing cat and sleepwalking atop the roof of his boarding school. The incident gets him thrown out of school and he’s stuck decluttering his childhood home with his Granddad. He continues to dream of the white cat who says cryptic things like:

“I need your help. A curse was placed on me. A curse that only you can break.”



The cat haunts him both in dreams and reality and as the mysteries surrounding Cassel’s life are revealed his life is turned upside down.

I’m not going to give anything of the plot away but will say your enjoyment of this story will probably be based on your willingness to accept imperfect characters. Cassel runs cons, it’s how he makes his money while at college, and he’s good at it. His family members are all a bunch of criminals working their magic (which is banned) to benefit themselves, his mom is a jailbird and they raise Cassel to be an expert thief and master of the con. It was what he knew, so I could accept it. He has a sense of humor and decency about him despite his situation and I enjoyed seeing the world from his point of view.

I guessed at two of the big reveals early on and though the book ends on a melancholy note it does answer a lot of questions and the secondary characters stayed true to their somewhat shady selves, like them or loathe them. I found it all interesting, never boring and will jump right into “Red Glove” next.

$1.99 for One of My Favorite Laymon Books!

The Traveling Vampire Show - Richard Laymon

On sale today, 9/30/14,  I've read a few Laymon novels with varying levels of enjoyment. Resurrection Dreams I enjoyed for its gory over-the-top fun but I just couldn't get into Flesh or Funland.

Despite its title this book is not about vampires. It's about three 16 year old friends and their fascination with visiting the upcoming vampire show. It has moments of gore but mainly it's a coming of age tale focusing on these young kids. The lusty thoughts which I've come to expect from a Laymon book, and which usually crack me up for their out of place silliness, fit these characters and added to the tension of the book. The book takes place in the 60's when drive-ins were much more commonplace and the whole book has the feel of a good scary drive-in movie.

 

It begins when the three kids hike out to an abandoned field reputed to be the dumping ground of a serial killer hoping to get a glimpse of the visiting vampire before the crowds arrive. Instead they have a bad run-in with a mangy, possibly rabid dog and one of the kid's witnesses something she shouldn't. Then weird things begin to happen and they suspect they're being taunted by the traveling vampire folks. It's not until the very end of the book that the all out blood bath begins (and we learn some ugly things about some of our characters) but the tension leading up to it and the nice character study held my attention throughout it's 300+ pages. To date, this has been my favorite of all of the Laymon novels I've read.

Bought myself a little present for being so good.

Bad Apples: Five Slices of Halloween Horror - Edward Lorn, Evans Light, Jason Parent, Adam Light, Gregor Xane

Anyone else going to read this in October?  I Can Not Wait!  I think I'm going to pair it with a viewing of Trick R Treat.

 

The five freshest voices in horror will make you reconsider leaving the house on October 31st with these all-new Halloween tales: 

• A brother and sister creep out of the darkness with bags full of deadly tricks in Gregor Xane’s THE RIGGLE TWINS. 

• A boy with a misshapen skull just wants to be normal in Evans Light’s PUMPKINHEAD TED. 

• A group of thrill seekers learn that looking for terror is a whole lot more fun than finding it in Adam Light’s GHOST LIGHT ROAD. 

• Two bullies go looking for trouble but instead find a young boy and his imaginary friend in Jason Parent’s EASY PICKINGS. 

• When a mysterious, Halloween-themed attraction comes to the town of Bay’s End, everyone is dying to pay a visit in Edward Lorn’s THE SCARE ROWS. 

 

 

The Accidental Demon Slayer by Angie Fox

The Accidental Demon Slayer - Angie Fox

This one is FREE today (9/29/14).  I didn't like it all that much but I'm a grouch with terrible taste in books :). One of my closest friends loved it and you may too.

 

Lizzie, a young school teacher discovers she's from a line of witches and that she's the latest "demon slayer" and has a destiny she's never known about. One minutes she's teaching little kids, the next her little doggie is talking to her and she's plopped on a Harley with a grandma she's only known for minutes and is expected to slay demons with next to no training and, of course, there's a hunky guy thrown in to save the day.

This book started out cutesy enough but devolved into a crazy, unexplained mess. Grandma is dragged into the second layer of hell and Lizzie must rescue her. Why? Don't ask me, I still can't make sense of it. And when the dog starts talking we are told by way of the dog as a way of explanation something along the lines of: "Oh he's been talking all along, Lizzie just now started listening." Sorry, not buying that lame explanation. There are many other issues such as this that make the book feel like it's mid series when in actuality it's the first in a new series. Not helping matters is the problem of Lizzie ineptness and dependence on others to bail her out, she's also boring and constantly bad mouths her adoptive parents for silly reasons that make her sound like a spoiled, ungrateful brat. It gets old fast and is so frustrating.

This is not a book for those who like things to make sense but I guess it's decent enough of a read if you don't think too hard on any of it. I doubt I'll go out of my way to find the later books that complete the series.

Boo!
Boo!

It's Monday and instead of dreading the week and focusing on the drudgery and negativity surrounding me, I have three things to get all exclamation mark abusive about:

 

1. I read a book!!!  Review will be coming . . . soonish.

 

2. Halloween is almost here!

 

3. I received a much needed makeover by taking the filters off my profile pic! 

 

How about you?

 

 

My Lactation Consultant Is A Lesbian Werewolf

My Lactation Consultant is a Lesbian Werewolf (Banged by Famous Monsters) - Bytch Williams

it's FREE as of today 9/26/14. Grab it at your own peril!

 

Part of the "banged by famous monsters series" (these not so famous ones may appear at a later date, perhaps? I guess we can only hold out hope because I'd love to read a story about the  Ahuizotl what with its handy dandy "murder hand"or the Mongolian Death Worm! ) this ebook contains 27 fetish filled pages sure to permanently and forever shut down any romantic longings you may secretly be harboring for werewolves. Or not . . . Who am I to say?

 

This is a weird one and features an interesting take on silencing an annoying husband. It's bloody and messy and mixes sex and gore and lactation (yeah, really) in a ridiculously over the top manner. If this is your idea of sexy get yourself a copy. I won't judge.

 

If you happen to pick this up, say purely for curiosity's sake as I did, and you happen to like it a little bit, well you have no one to blame but yourself!

Amazing Gracie by Dan Dye

Amazing Gracie: A Dog's Tale - Dan Dye;Mark Beckloff

Still cleaning up my database one old review at a time.

 

I have a love/hate thing going with these dog books. I love reading about dogs but they only live so long and, well, you know how that story ends.  I like to think I'm too tough to cry but these books always get to me.

 

Dan Dye was mourning over the loss of his childhood companion Blue and didn’t think he was ready for another dog. When the book begins it has only been eight weeks since Blue’s passing and he is still very heart-broken. But often, as I’ve discovered, dogs have a way of finding you exactly when you need them most and he adopts Gracie a deaf, blind in one eye, albino Great Dane scheduled for euthanasia (the next day!). Dan thought he was rescuing Gracie but Gracie is the one who saves Dan and helps him find his place in the world.

I adored this book and will unashamedly gush about it to whoever will listen. If you are a dog lover you need to read it. If you are stuck in a crap job and aspire to living your dream you also need to read it. If you could care less about these things you might want to skip it because it is as much a story about the love between a man and a dog as it a story of working exceptionally hard and being strong, persistent and brave enough to dare to start a business when nearly everyone around you thinks your nuts. Dan and Gracie and their partner (1 human and 2 canines) become famous for being the founders of Three Dog Bakery and I was so happy for them.

Written with warmth and humor I immediately fell in love with this story. It was a riveting, heartwarming, tear-jerking keeper of a book. 

Yoga with evil cats. Don't do it. You will not find serenity. You will only sacrifice the life of your innocent little yoga block and wonder why you feed this beast!

 

that is all.

Promises by Marie Sexton

Promises - Marie Sexton

Still cleaning up my database one ancient review at a time.

 

Promises is an emotional read about two guys who become friends and then fall in love. It’s a slow burn filled with fabulous sexual tension and lots of character exploration with touches of humor in all the right places.

Jared is a pretty content guy when the story begins. He’s co-owner of a hardware/auto parts store and loves his beautiful small town despite the fact that he’s gay and always has to deal with small town prejudice. If his life is quiet and a little lonely he’s good with that. He isn’t actively looking for love or following his dream of becoming a teacher for reasons that are later explored. But one day Matt, a tall, dark, newbie to town, walks into the shop and Jared’s quiet world explodes with passion, frustration and no small amount of turmoil.

I really enjoyed Jared’s character and it’s a good thing considering the entire story is told from his point of view. He’s a likable guy and though he’s drawn to Matt from the very beginning and not-so-secretly wishes Matt were gay, he’s not. Or at least he claims he’s not. As the two spend more time together watching football, camping and biking Matt starts to send out some confusing signals to Jared and its clear to Jared that the attraction is not entirely one-sided. But getting Matt to realize that is not an easy feat. Matt’s a police officer and is constantly harassed by his co-workers for hanging out with Jared and ignoring the bevy of beauties that are constantly coming on to him. And Matt’s father is an angry, drunk homophobic asshole. It’s quite the quandary and not an easy road but in the end these two work through all of the kinks and complications. The author doesn’t bring things up only to drop them, she forces these guys to take a long, hard look at themselves and make changes and they do.

Promises is grounded in the little details. How many books have you read where the two leads have perfect bodies yet they eat whatever they want and never seem to mention working out or getting sweaty outside of the bedroom? Perfection without pain just flat out bugs me. These guys are super fit but they work hard, get all sweaty and even get hurt. These little details make such a difference to me.

This one just misses being a five because there were some scenes that got a little draggy in the beginning but that’s a minor complaint. It’s romantic without going over the top smooshy sweet and I felt the love between the two, which is the reason I read romance (a lot of author’s tend to forget that part!). I’m anxious now to check out the rest of the books in the series and it looks like there’s at least six of them. (*Note to self: two years later and I still haven't read any of 'em, this is the story of my life)

It's been a week from hell for many of those closest to me and I've been too distracted (far worse than my usual distracted self, if you can believe that) and haven't been able to read a thing.  But I am learning some big lessons about kindness and perseverance in the face of pain and heartbreak. If my daughter, who deals with constant back and rib pain and suffers from anxiety, can still smile every day and believe that  "things happen for a reason" I guess I have to too.

 

But some weeks really do suck for no apparent reason. 

 

Here's hoping your week was better than ours!

 

 

 

 

R.I.P. Graham Joyce

Dark Sister - Graham Joyce The Tooth Fairy - Graham Joyce

It makes me incredibly sad to think that his latest book will be his last. If you're a fan of dark fiction and haven't read these two books I highly recommended them.

 

This was Joyce's gift to all of us: he understood something about humans and our capacity for cruelty and self-deception — but also our ability to understand something important in the gaps between certainty and confusion. If only we had a dozen more books from him.

 

I couldn't agree more.

It's FREE!

MILK-BLOOD - Mark  Matthews, Elderlemon Design, Richard   Thomas

Lilly is ten years old, born with a heart defect, and already addicted to heroin. Her mother is gone from her life, and there are rumors that she was killed by her father and buried near the abandoned house across the street. The house intrigues her, she can't stay away, and the monstrous homeless man who lives there has been trying to get Lilly to come inside. 

For her mother is there, buried in the back, and this homeless man is Lilly's true father, and both want their daughter back.

Just kidding ;)  

 

It's supposed to rain most of the weekend and I am so excited because it gives me an excuse to stay in and read. Anyone else get excited for rain?!

 

Happy Friday all. I hope your weekend is filled with wonderful books.

Did I just grab a book titled "The Diaper Man"?

The Diaper Man - Vincent Todarello

Why yes, yes I did! And you can too by clicking on the link above. It's FREEEEE!

 

THE DIAPER MAN is Vincent Todarello's first installment in his forthcoming collection of short stories inspired by actual events on Long Island. 

This heart-pounding tale of terror takes place at an abandoned mental facility, where years earlier a deranged psychopath known as The Diaper Man escaped from the insane asylum one stormy night. Authorities said the lunatic was captured and killed, but the local urban legend is that he still roams the decrepit halls of the old crumbling institution. 

When some young kids venture inside for cheap thrills and to shoot a low budget zombie movie, they might be surprised to find that the old tale is true. 

The Diaper Man is a straight forward, gory, R-rated hack-and-slash fest in the style of Todarello's favorite film genre: 1980's horror. 

A true throwback, The Diaper Man pays homage to a time when it was okay to flash pointless, gratuitous nudity on screen, and when it was awesome to anticipate the creative ways the killer chose to dispense his victims. If you like all things scream, then you will love The Diaper Man. 

And don't forget to stay tuned for more short stories in Todarello's series of Long Island urban legends.

The Time Machine by H.G. Wells (audiobook) Review

The Time Machine - H.G. Wells, Derek Jacobi Meat - Joseph D'Lacey

The Time Machine (1960) was one of my favorite movies as a child. I guess I was a weird little girl because I absolutely lived for the days when I could find it on the tv on weekends. For some reason, I never did get around to reading the source material until now. And a big Thank You to SYNC for offering this audio up for free this past summer.

My first thought when starting this audio and hearing The Time Traveler’s wizened voice as he was blathering on about his stuffy dinner party plans was, “Uh oh, this is going to put me to sleep.”

I was wrong.

It starts out a little dry but it doesn’t stay that way for long. The host soon shares with his guests a strange and difficult to believe tale of time travel and gives them a frightening and disturbing glimpse of the far out future where he discovers humanity has evolved into two distinct classes and that there really is no such thing as Utopia.

I’m not going to give it all away if you are one of the few who haven’t read it or seen either version of the movie (I recommend the 1960 version). I loved this story. It was imaginative and entertaining and still accessible even though it was written in 1895. Wow. I still can’t believe that.

You should read it. Or better yet listen to this audio version read by Sir Derek Jacobi. He does a fabulous job voicing the time traveler even though, I have to say this, his aged voice made the time traveler seem a bit like a lecher whenever child-like Weena was cuddling and caressing him . . . Still, worth a listen. 

As a companion to this, I’d like to recommend MEAT by Joseph D’Lacey but only if you have a very strong stomach.